I do not understand why I feel this way tonight?? I have been up, unable to sleep and just asking God, "what?". I have so many questions right now...not negative or bad questions, just questions! As many of you know I coordinate a mom's group at Crossroads Christian Church...I love my church, my church family, the ministries I serve in...!!!!! I want more, I want God to use me in amazing ways this year. I want to clearly hear Him and His plans for me! I want to know His will for me and what I can do better, I WANT TO GROW!!!!! I feel like while I was sick and in and out of the hospital God used that time to grow me closer to Him, since then I have been through more personal struggles and I am still seeking and want more. Last week at church we had baptism services, I was blessed enough to actually be standing at the bottom of the little steps and as people's lives changed through this amazing experience I was helping them out of the baptismal and wrapping a towel around their new changed bodies. It was incredible, words do not describe what this was like!!!! I am forever changed by that act of service. I am also blessed enough to be working closely with someone that I consider to be a mentor. I love Pastor Kathryn!!!! This woman has been there for me in my darkest times, she knows the real me and loves me still, she has a heart like His and I am forever greatful that God placed her in my life. This is a woman that I know with all of my being will be 100% honest with me, not to harm me but to help me grow. So here are my questions to my Abba....
What do you want me to do God?
What are Your plans for me this year in Mom2Mom?
How can I better serve these ladies in a way that will bring You glory?
What do I need to do to grow?
I want to be more transparent God...how?
I want to be taken out of my comfort zone...challenge me, mold me, refine me!
Man...I feel better! Not sure any of this made sense...I am blessed, encouraged, loved.....Thanks!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I was on my way to Irvine yesterday and started thinking about the past two years. I was trying to understand what brought me to this point in my life. I sometimes hate having too much time alone! I began to think about everything from the beginning of all the sickness and how I was pregnant and sooooo sick and thought about how after Emelia I felt good for about three months. I remember thinking, "thanks God for healing me and for Emelia's good health". In September I began having a little trouble breathing and from there it just became worse! By October it was bad and by November.....well I was in a hospital bed more than my own bed!! Anyway....my faith became soooo strong and I am so thankful for the lessons God taught me through all that I went through...not to mention the amazing blessings that came from it....Rob was baptised, my mom accepted Christ and was baptised, I learned to not sweat the small stuff and I learned that I have the best friends and family EVER!!!!!!!! I was sitting here the other night and was thinking, "are my kids seriously ever going to go to sleep tonight????" (It was 11:00P.M.)!!!! God spoke to me yesterday on my drive.....He said that He gives me times like that with my kiddo's (sorry tears), to make for all the times I was not with them while I was sick. You see, I missed a great deal of both Emmalyn and Emelia's life while in the hospital and even when I was home I was doing good to take care of myself let alone both of my girls! I am so grateful to God for giving me the "make-up" time with my girls!! It was fun watching TV with them and watching them play in the new house. It was a blessing to me!! Thanks God for the lesson you taught me...once again You have blessed my life and reminded me of what is important!!!